The Bitchionary

How To Give Good Word!

Need a spark of spunk to help you on your brazen way? You've come to the right place, mon cher ~~ Hussiedom.

Yes, this is the cyberland of hussies who walk their talk (wearing high heels helps EVAH so much, natch) and Sugar Daddies, manly men and hunka hunka hussy appreciators who, naturalmente, adore us... not only for our glam selves but for our voracious, vampy, vixenish and NEVAH vacuous vocabulary.

Say WHAAAAAT? Say, today's Dish is yet another sample of our way with words. So instead of going bananas worrying about this, that and some that other stuff over there, jolt your joie de vivre and zap some voltage into your verbiage by partaking of our muy precioso perspicacious parlance.

Ready, set? Let's define:

ABDICATE v. To give up on that stupid belt thingy with the batteries you bought from the infomercial that promised to make your tummy tight in two weeks by zapping your muscles and to realize the good news is the batteries will work in your vibrator.

ASPHALT n. 1. The reason behind the divorce. 2. The reason you can't wear that thong bikini bottom any more.

BACTERIA n. A view of someone's rear that is either so fab or so flabby (see: ASPHALT) it makes you want to cry.

BUDGET n. Attempting to live below your yearnings

CAUTERIZE v. Catching the attention of a woman who appreciates your brazen fabulosity.

CLAUSTROPHOBIA n. (medical term) 1. Fear of Santa Claus. 2. fear of being married to Klaus Van Bullow. 3. Fear of those really AWFUL long fake acrylic nails that look like claws and that check-out folks in the grocery store seem to just adore. EEEEEEEEWWWWW.

DECIMATED v.1. Having sex with more than ten people. 2. A ten minute quickie.

DEDUCE n. (Darlings! You HAVE gambled in Monaco, haven't you? Then surely you know the meaning to this one...) De lowest card in de deck (well, DUH).

ERGO v. She'd better leave and it won't be a minuto too soon.

EYEBALLS n. Part of the male anatomy that frequently ends up in women's cleavage.

FALLACY n. A false belief those herbal pills can really make your male member bigger.

GOULASH v. What would happen to any ghost stupid enough to mess with a hussy (especially one into riding crops).

HARD ON n. What some men think is meant by the phrase "personal growth".

HOT TAMALE. n. 1. Hot Spanish dish. 2. Hispanic hussy (as we said, hot Spanish dish). 3. Carmen Miranda, who, by the way, got VERY hot under the fruit head dress one dia when director Busby Berkely's crane camera rig almost smashed her AND her tutti frutti hat to smithereens... So she pulled herself up, marched right over on her 8 inch platform shoes and got in his face declaring: " Hokey! Thees time, make weeth the careful! Knock one banana off my head and I will make you the flat pancake!"

HOT TODDY n. Hussy queen known as Todd when not in drag as, you guessed it, Carmen Miranda.

HEMLOCK n. Affliction causing some women to wear those dumb, dreary, yucky mid-calf length skirts .

INNUENDO n. (medical term) Italian suppository.

LACTOSE n. Strappy little sandals that let your red painted toenails show .

NEGLIGENT adv. Forgetting-on-purpose that you have that incredibly sexy negligee on when you answer the door.

PARADISE n. 1. Pair of ivory cubes with dots all over them used in casinos (see: DEDUCE). 2. State of bliss when hussy appreciator finds a hussy to worship and adore.

PARADOX n. Quandary over which physician to go out with when they both are hot to trot the same night.

PLANTIFF n. A regular, run of the mill tiff which often leads to a snit. (see: SNIT).

PLANE JANE n. Woman pilot. (Oh, you were thinking "plain Jane" for a momento? wrong dictionary, darlings..... besides, as Helene Rubenstein said, "There are no plain women, only lazy ones.")

SARCASM n. Quip lash

STIRRUP v. What you do with trouble when you are a brazen hussy and you've been treated with disrespect, dishonesty, or given a bad haircut, as in : "WHOA! I'm really going to stirrup some trouble."

TENTATIVE n. Hesitancy about going camping when learning there is no room service.

WILLY NILLY v. To worry size does matter to the point of doing nutty things (see: FALLACY).

That's all for now, darlings.... We'll be back soon! In the meantime, go out there and be so BRAZEN you redefine YOUR life!!!

For more, More, MORE Carmen Miranda ~ take a ride on the carosuel!

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