Clementine Gets DONE!

I went to visit my friend Clementine and her new boyfriend was there... I don't get it.. He has holes everywhere.. A hole in his eyebrow with a ring thingy in it and a hole in his nose.. and a hole in his ear ...

Anyhow, Clementine likes him. I mean, she LIKES him.. I don't get it .. but he's Clementine's type ~~ tall, dark and STUPID.

She was all OVER him.. couldn't keep her hands off him. She even had her hands in his pockets . And the guy just kept drinking his beer and watching "Jerry Springer".

Well, I like romance as much as the next dame.. and I figured I, being a love goddess and all, should help my friend with her pursuit of this hunk of testosterone. Soooo I leaned over and whispered to Clementine.. "Honey.. Why don't you take the more SUBTLE approach.. you know... try some old fashioned techniques."

"Like what?" says Clementine.

"Like running your fingers through his hair.." I said..

"I WAS... that's why my hands were in his pockets.. "

And then I realized, natch, Mr. Full-of-Holes had holes in his pockets, too. Soooo, I was about to give up on giving romance-with-class lessons. And I went to see Ernie and told him about seeing Clementine and her new boyfriend.

"Soph", (he calls me Soph you know)... he says , "Soph, what Clementine needs is more than old fashioned romance. She could use a new look.. you know.. what do they call it on television.. a makeover?"

For once, Ernie had something other than me.. I thought, why should Clementine pay for a makeover that when I, love goddess at her peak of sexual perfection and cosmetic fabulosity, could do a make over FOR her!

So I bought the tools of the trade, so to speak, some new makeup and some hairspray to give her locks some ooph.. and I marched right back to her apartment. She answered the door and grabbed the stuff..

"Clementine.. I'm here to give you a makeover .." I said.. but she shoved me out and took the bag and said, "Thanks.. I can handle it myself."

Well, the next day, she calls me.

"Soph," she says. "I don't know what that bag of stuff was supposed to do.. but I took out the hairspray and it gave me an idea... "

"Oh, you gave yourself a bigger 'do?" I asked.