Mae West in her best of times swept the men and women alike off their feet with her witty and and clever quips. Without further adieu, here is Mae West and her finest collection of quotes, quirks, and quests!

"I feel like a million tonight. But one at a time."

"Virtue has its own reward, but has no sale at the box office."

"No gold~digging for me... I take diamonds! We may be off the gold standard someday."

"Goodness what beautiful diamonds" (when complimented on her diamonds, natch!) "Goodness had nothing to do with it."

"It takes two to get one in trouble."

"I'm no angel, but I've spread my wings a bit."

"A man in the house is worth two in the street."

"It is better to be looked over than overlooked."

"I've been doing a lot of thinking about you lately. You must be awful tired."

"I'm a woman of very few words, but lots of action."

"Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before."

"I've been in more laps than a napkin."

"Houseboys." ~~ Mae West (explaining the three young hunka hunkas wearing only towels who strolled through her living room unexpectedly during an interview.)"

"Give a man a free hand and he'll try to run it all over you."

"A man can be short and dumpy and getting bald but if he has fire, women will like him."

"A man has one hundred dollars and you leave him with two dollars, that's subtraction."

"A man's kiss is his signature."

"An ounce of performance is worth pounds of promises."

"Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly."

"A hard man is good to find."

"Don't marry a man to reform him ~ that's what reform schools are for."

"Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."

"He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of."

"I believe in censorship. I made a fortune out of it."

"I like restraint, if it doesn't go too far."

"He who hesitates is a damned fool."

"I never loved another person the way I loved myself."

"I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond."

"I only have 'yes' men around me. Who needs 'no' men?"

"I used to be Snow White, but I drifted."

"I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it."

"If I asked for a cup of coffee, someone would search for the double meaning."

"I'll try anything once, twice if I like it, three times to make sure."

"It ain't no sin if you crack a few laws now and then, just so long as you don't break any."

"It's hard to be funny when you have to be clean."

"It's not what I do, but the way I do it. It's not what I say, but the way I say it.

"Keep a diary, and someday it'll keep you."

"Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache."

"One and one is two, and two and two is four, and five will get you ten if you know how to work it."

"Right now I think censorship is necessary; the things they're doing and saying in films right now just shouldn't be allowed. There's no dignity anymore and I think that's very important."

"Save a boyfriend for a rainy day - and another, in case it doesn't rain."

"Say what you want about long dresses, but they cover a multitude of shins."

"Sex is emotion in motion."

"She's the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong."

"Those who are easily shocked should be shocked more often."

"Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution."

"To err is human, but it feels divine."

"Too much of a good thing can be taxing."

"Too much of a good thing can be wonderful."

"When women go wrong, men go right after them."

"When I'm good, I'm very good. But when I'm bad I'm better."

"Ten men waiting for me at the door? Send one of them home, I'm tired."

"You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough."

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