Oh, my GAWD!!! It's Betty Bowers!!!

Holy Moly!!!!

It's time to bow to

Although the mere mention of "brazen hussies" sends Betty Bowers mouth into a scrunched up tight sneer reminiscent of Laura Bush's expression when her meds are wearing off, we can't help ourselves. Darling, we love BETTY!

After all, she provided the first internet reportage documenting that George W is a girly guy . Not that there's anything wrong with most girly guys, you understand, but spittle spewing homophobic hee-haws are a horse (or elephant, as the case may be) of a different color, n'est ce pas? And if you haven't read Miss Bowers muy brilliante dissection of the good ole' Rev. Ted Haggard's sexual adventures ~ well, you are missing THE best example of Christian Right Wing writing on the internet.

But then, Betty has a mission (and not only to make sure the missionary position between one man and one woman united in holier-than-thou matrimony is the only politically accepted position for of s-e-x-). In fact, she has several actual ministries. Miss Do Gooder has really outdone herself, por ejemplo, by rescuing Rex Ray, the formerly gay flight attendant and turning him into a 100 % heterosexual with her BASH (Baptists Are Saving Homosexuals) ministry.

No doubt Betty agreed to talk with Sher, Supreme Editor B*tch of the Hussies, to inaugurate our new GAWD site (we are always looking for ways to make out G-spot more exciting for you, sweeties) in hopes mere slight contact with the world's best Christian would help us see the light. WhatEVAH, darlings... we will take any excuse to chat with the divine Miss Bowers. So pour a glass of bubbly, sit back, and let's dish with Betty.

Sher: When and how did you first realize you were "saved"? AND that you were America 's Best Christian?

Betty Bowers (BB): It was the day I qualified for the "Ten Sins or Less" express line on Judgment Day.

Sher: Have you had any flack from Jan Crouch (we have to admit, sweetie, anybody who sponsors a Christian-based liposuction special event gets our attention ~ if the fat sucking could be tax deductible, praise JEEEEEZUS)? In fact, any comments on the amazingly post-taxidermy-like visages of the Crouches?

BB: Fortunately for me, the Lord called upon me to help the meek, not the vulgar. As such, I've never had cause or desire to have much to do with the Crouches, truly the Threnodies of Christendom, who can only be charitably referred to as "Carnie Christians." Although I do admit to taking some unkind comfort in hearing that the left side of Jan's lavender Marie Antoinette wig has been declared a protected wetland, preventing her under federal law from using conditioner.

Sher: Speaking of girly guys (Rev. Crouch , natch), what was your first tipoff, as a conservative Republican Christian, that George W. Bush was one? Any comments about the Jeff Gannon connection and the Prez's affinity for bald heads?

BB: Our President was a cheerleader in school, dear. Short of singing "I Enjoy Being a Girl" in a high school production of "Flower Drum Song" or being a Streisand groupie, that would be a rather reliable indication. As for the Jeff Gannon's bald head, the Lord tells me that it was not the one on the top of his head that was being paid for, dear.

Sher: And speaking of Republicans... puhleaze give us your blessed thoughts on the election..

BB: While some may dismiss this as sour grapes, how can a country that votes for a pudgy no-talent like Taylor Hicks be expected to act responsibly when voting for things less important than singing?

Sher: Dear , dear know-it-all dear, any prophesying or words of wisdom via the holy spirit (and I am NOT referring to communion wine) for the future you could share with us (not in tongues please, unless Babelfish translates that...)

BB: I don't speak in tongues ~ unless ordering in perfect French (Tours accent) at a restaurant. I leave it to Pentecostals and Sean Hannity to babble unintelligible nonsense.

Sher: Anything else on your holier-than-thou mind? Any zingers about, speaking of holier-than-thou, Laura "You Can't Prove I Was A Pot Dealer" Bush ?

BB: I won't have an unkind word said about our fabulously medicated First Lady, a woman who selflessly devoted almost 2% of her life to teaching ~ and then 75% of the rest of her life to talking about it.

Sher: Our time, blessed as it has been, is coming to a close for now... and I MUST ask this, darling... in your sanctified, natch, opinion, are Brazen Hussies going to hell in a handbasket?

BB: If my Christian Crack Whore ministry is any indication, it is statistically probable that Brazen Hussies will go to Hell as they go to work: on their knees.

That's it for now, mon cher... but if you can't get enough of Betty... and if you are looking for the perfecto present for the unsaved on YOUR Christmas, Hanukkah, Quanza or ~~ the best idea... your HUSSIMUS list, do check out the latest from Miss Bowers... her new book Welcome to Jesusland (Formerly the United States of America): Shocking Tales of Depravity, Sex, and Sin Uncovered by God's Favorite Church, Landover Baptist .

Oh, and lest we forget, sweetie darlings, Betty even has a gift line appropriate for unsaved Scientologists! YES, the perfect T-shirt for Tom Cruise (who, we hear, had to wear a corset to fit into his wedding tux) emblazoned with "Do these body Thetans make me look fat?"?

And while you in a shopping fever, remember you CAN buy a piece of Sher, so to speak, over at Shersfabstuff and there are all sorts of fabulous TEASE shirts and other brazen goodies at the Brazen Hussies Boutique! So go to it, you semi-saved darlings!

Now go out there and do something so BRAZEN people exclaim,

"It may be Christmas time , but THAT hussy is quite a little devil!"